The Power of Presence: Raising Children with Purpose, Not Screens

In a world where the newest tech often seems like a must-have, parents are under pressure to give their kids every digital advantage — the latest phone, their own laptop, a TV for their room, constant access to the internet. But beneath the glitter of screens lies a quiet truth: what our children need most isn’t digital. It’s us.

There is no app for attention. No subscription for spiritual formation. No replacement for the loving presence of a parent.

At TriFlames Church, we believe raising children in today’s world doesn’t require keeping up with it. It requires standing firm in timeless truths — guarding our homes, our budgets, and most importantly, our children’s hearts.

No Substitute for a Parent’s Attention

We live in a culture that praises multitasking, fast communication, and constant connection. But there is a kind of presence that technology cannot imitate. It’s not a notification — it’s a hand on the shoulder. It’s not a ping — it’s a parent saying, “Tell me about your day.”

When children are young, they crave attention not because they’re needy, but because they’re learning how to be. They look to their parents to model what is good, what is true, and what is worth their time. And they know when they’ve been replaced by a screen — even if we tell ourselves it’s “just for a few minutes.”

It’s not about being perfect. It’s about being present.

God didn’t call us to entertain our kids — He called us to shepherd them. That takes time. Eye contact. Listening. Discipline. Encouragement. These are slow things in a fast world, but they are the foundations of character.

The Hidden Cost of Digital Childhood

There’s something quietly dangerous about the idea that “kids today just need their own phone.” It sounds harmless — even responsible. But in reality, we are giving children a 24/7 portal into the entire world, including the worst parts of it.

Many parents hand over that power because it’s what everyone else is doing. But just because something is common doesn’t mean it’s wise. In fact, more and more data is showing the connection between smartphone use, social media exposure, and the decline in children’s mental health.

Since the rise of constant connectivity around 2012, teen depression rates have more than doubled. Self-harm, anxiety, and suicide rates are up, particularly among girls — and researchers are pointing to one key factor: social media.

When your child is scrolling, they’re not just “checking in.” They’re being silently shaped by influencers, ads, trends, peer pressure, and content algorithms designed to keep them addicted.

And all of it is happening without your voice in the room.

We urge parents to ask: Is this truly helping my child grow in wisdom, joy, and peace? Or is it quietly stealing those things when I’m not looking?

Tech-Savvy, Spirit-Poor

We are raising a generation that can navigate a smartphone blindfolded, but struggles to hold a conversation. A generation that is endlessly connected, yet increasingly lonely. Why?

Because we’ve confused access with affection, and devices with discipleship.

Giving your child a personal screen may make life quieter in the short term — but it often creates deeper problems in the long run. Screens can numb, distract, and pacify. But they don’t teach resilience, patience, or discernment. And they certainly don’t cultivate a life rooted in Christ.

Instead of equipping kids for godly living, we may be training them for instant gratification and emotional instability — all while thinking we’re just “keeping them entertained.”

Fewer Devices, More Savings

Let’s be practical. The cost of outfitting a child with tech can be staggering:

• Smartphone: $1,000 upfront plus $80–$100 per month for service = over $2,000 per year

• Streaming services per TV: $15–$60 monthly = $180–$720 per year

• Tablet or laptop: $400–$1,000 each

• Accessories, apps, and school add-ons: $200–$500 annually

If you have two or three children, you’re quickly looking at $5,000–$8,000 a year — just to keep everyone digitally “caught up.” And for what? More isolation. More distraction. More anxiety. And far less presence.

Now imagine channeling that same budget into eternal returns:

• A week at a Christian summer camp: $300–$500 per child

• Monthly family outings or getaways: $100–$200 per month

• A musical instrument and lessons: $1,200 a year

• Starting a college savings or giving fund

When families start choosing shared experiences over solo screen time, everything changes. Meals become longer. Laughter gets louder. Children feel cherished — not just entertained.

This isn’t just a budget issue. It’s a spiritual one.

When we remove the clutter of excessive tech, we make room for the fruit of the Spirit to flourish: patience, gentleness, self-control, love.

Let’s count the cost — not just in dollars, but in what’s lost when we hand our children to their screens. Let’s invest in what truly lasts.

Simpler Homes, Safer Kids

When each child has their own device, it becomes incredibly difficult to monitor what they’re exposed to. But in a home with shared screens only used in common areas, oversight becomes natural. You know what they’re watching. You hear what they’re listening to. You’re there to ask questions and offer guidance.

And no — this doesn’t mean becoming a prison warden in your own home. Monitoring your child’s digital world doesn’t have to feel like policing their every move. In fact, when screen time happens in your presence, it creates a powerful opportunity not just to supervise, but to share.

You get to sit beside them — not just over them — and take a genuine interest in whatever trend, video, or topic has caught their attention. You’ll be there to laugh with them at the funny parts, to raise an eyebrow when something’s questionable, and to ask the kinds of questions that build both relationship and discernment:
“What do you think this means?”
“Do you think that’s how God sees us?”
“Why do you think this is so popular right now?”

Of course, there may still come a time when you have to say no. When you’ll need to put your foot down and say, “This isn’t something we allow in our home,” or “This doesn’t line up with who we are as a family, or with what the Lord calls us to be.” That moment won’t be easy. But because you’ve been present — because you’ve already earned trust — your correction will be more than a rule. It will be a conversation. A chance to shape your child’s heart, not just their behavior.

And that makes all the difference.

This isn’t about control — it’s about discipleship.
It’s not about suspicion — it’s about stewardship.

We lock the front doors of our homes at night not because we expect someone to break in — but because it would be foolish not to.

The same principle applies here: we guard what we value. And our children’s innocence is worth guarding.

We Grew Up With Less — And Gained More

Many of us remember what it was like to share one TV with our siblings. To have a family computer in the living room. To be bored sometimes. And we’re better for it.

We invented games. We read books. We built forts. We made eye contact. And our parents didn’t worry that we were one swipe away from danger — because we weren’t.

The goal isn’t to go backward. It’s to go forward with intention.

Let’s raise children who are grounded in identity, not obsessed with image. Children who know how to create, not just consume. Children who grow strong because we gave them fewer distractions — and more love.

Closing Encouragement: Choose Presence

You don’t need to give your kids the world. You just need to give them yourself:
Your prayers. Your voice. Your time. Your example.

Everything the world promises your child — security, identity, love — can be found in your arms, if you’ll slow down long enough to give it.

Say no to the extra screen. Say yes to dinner conversations. Yes to quiet walks. Yes to bedtime stories, shared chores, tough questions, and sacred silence.

This may not be the popular path — but it is the better one.

And by walking it, you won’t just save money. You may save your child’s future.

Choose presence. And trust that God will honor your faithfulness.

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Together, let’s raise children who know love, not likes — truth, not trends — and the power of presence over the pull of screens.